Behind Closed Blinds
by Lia Xaragi
Summary: Random humerous rubbish, starring Yugi and co. Rated X for Xaragi. NO not THAT type of XRated...Read if you're bored or waiting for other updates on other stories etc...DISCONTINUED
1. Default Chapter

OK, I found this lurking in the cheese drawer of my fridge the other day, somewhere between an old piece of Stilton and some Edam…But, hey, the contents of my kitchen aren't relevant right now!

I just thought I'd put this up for the hell of it, since it was the only Yu-Gi-Oh! fic I ever actually finished. Read if you're bored or stupid. Or both.

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"You did what?!"

Mai grinned when she saw the confused faces of her two friends.

"Like I told you, I've agreed to take a job helping out this really fit private detective. It's so exciting!"

It was a Friday afternoon in the Domino Mall. Mai sat with Téa and Serenity in a café, telling them about her new job. The somewhat shallow blonde had managed to, ahem, persuadethis detective guy into giving her a job, thinking it would be an interesting break from Duel Monsters tournaments. Now she had been given the opportunity to cover an ongoing investigation: Seto Kaiba's reclusive love life.

Mai had thought this would be a great story to cover. Unfortunately, her friends didn't quite share her enthusiasm…

"So, does this mean you're gonna have to start wearing long brown trench coats and stalking Kaiba then?" Serenity asked her, giggling slightly. They managed to keep straight faces for a few seconds, before bursting into fits of laughter.

Mai waited for the laughter to subside before carrying on.

"Well, I thought I might have to do the 'stalking' thing at first, but it turns out that I won't have to bother. I've got a source who I've been talking to, y'know, getting research and stuff on Kaiba to expose to the public. Oh, and those trench coats are SO out of date, Serenity. Although someone ought to tell Kaiba that…"

Téa, who was still finding it hard to keep a straight face, tried to be supportive of her friend.

"Look, this is all sounding great, Mai, but who would be stupid enough to talk to a detective about Kaiba? Or did you manage to get an interview with him?" there was a hint of sarcasm in Téa's voice. Everybody knew that Kaiba hated interviews, whether they were Media or Police related. Trying to get answers out of him was like trying to get blood out of a stone.

But Mai was still smiling.

"Actually, Téa, you're _almost _right. A couple of weeks ago, I did manage to get an interview with _a _Kaiba. In fact, he should be here with some more info any minute now…"

**Across The Mall…**

Mokuba Kaiba walked though the mall, struggling with the bustling crowds of weekend shoppers and the nagging guilt in the back of his mind.

If Seto ever found out that _he_ was the one who kept telling stuff to these people…

But then Mokuba remembered how his older brother would neglect and ignore him, and how Seto would lock Mokuba in his bedroom every Friday night whilst his new 'friend' was 'visiting'.

So when Mokuba reached the café ten minutes later, the feelings of guilt were gone, replaced by a wave of rebelliousness. He had decided to set his brother and the investigators up, by using this report thingy as an excuse to get back at Seto.

It was Friday, after all…

**Some Time Later…**

"OK, so here's the plan." Said Mai to the others. "Tonight, when Seto's 'mysterious girl' arrives at his place, Mokuba will phone me. Then, I will go up to the Kaiba Estate, which Mokuba will have bugged with these hidden cameras," Mai pulled out a minute camera from her bag to show them. "So while these cameras are picking up what's going on inside the house, I'll be waiting outside to get more pictures, perhaps a shot of them together. Any questions?"

"Er, yeah, why is this detective dude interested in Seto's girlfriend anyway? Has she got a jealous husband who hired you or something?" Serenity asked

"Not exactly. We've got reason to believe that Kaiba Corp. is linked to a drug smuggling rig. This 'girlfriend' of his might well be connected with these smugglers, so I'm told."

"O-khay. But how are you gonna get to the front door in the first place? That place is like a CCTV museum, with the amount of security cameras there. You'd be thrown out before you got halfway up the drive."

"Well," said Mai, a little hesitantly. "Mokuba knows the security system better than me, but I'm sure there's another way in avoiding the cameras, right?"

Mokuba nodded. "The other day, I was outside the house, and I found this hole in the wall," he explained. "It was hidden by all this overgrown stuff, 'cos the new gardener's really lazy-"

"Hey! Don't talk about Joey like that!" interrupted Serenity. The new gardener was her brother.

"-Oh, sorry, I forgot. Anyway, I was really bored, so I went through this hole, and there was a little path behind it, and it led into this alley down the road from the house. It's all out of the camera view, so I think you could use that."

Then Téa spoke up, having listened quietly to the 'plans'.

"Mai, can I just ask one thing? Why are you telling us all this? I mean Serenity and me. I thought that this sort of stuff should only be discussed with people working on the investigation."

"Well, I'm allowed up to four people of my choice to help me out on this story," said Mai. "That's why I wanted you guys here when I made the plans. I wanted to ask you all if you wanted to be part of my investigation team?!"

There was silence for a moment.

"Well I'm in." said Mokuba.

"Yeah, me too. Said Serenity. "I've got no plans, and anyway, this sounds kinda fun!"

"Thanks you two," Mai turned to her friend who had remained silent. "What about you, Téa? Are you in?"

"Well," she hesitated. "It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do. I'd need a good reason…"

"You know," Mai said slyly. "I heard Kaiba call you a 'Friendship Freak' the other day…"

"HE SAID WHAT!! Oh, that's it, I've had enough of that guy! Count me in!"

Mai grinned. She'd known that that would work.

"Er, Mai?"

"S'up Mokey?"

"Er, I think there might be a little problem with the alley entrance."

"Huh? What do you mean, a little problem?!"

"Well, it's just that the hole in the wall wasn't that big. I only got through 'cos I'm small. No offence, but I don't think any of you three could fit through."

"Ah. You're right" Said Mai. "That is a problem."

"Looks like you're gonna need that fourth person, Mai." Said Serenity.

"They'd have to be someone small…" said Mokuba.

"Someone who dislikes Kaiba…" said Téa.

"Someone quite naïve…" said Mai.

The four of them suddenly smiled. They had all thought of the perfect person…

**At The Game Shop…**

Yugi Muto had what had to be the world's worst headache. It was bad enough having to share his body with one ancient spirit, but _two…_ it was quite literally doing his head in.

Bakura's spirit was still inside the Millennium Puzzle.

Even though Ryou had returned safely from the Shadow Realm, Bakura claimed that he couldn't seem to leave the Puzzle, and know one knew why.

Yami, however, was convinced that Bakura remained on purpose, in order to torment him. The two spirits still did not see eye to eye, and the constant bickering in the back of his mind was starting to drive Yugi up the wall. They seemed to never shut up.

Today was no different. It was barely lunchtime, yet they had spent the entire morning at each other's throats.

/ '…Believe me, Pharaoh, if I were able to leave, I would be out of here by now!'/

/ 'Well why in Ra's name did you shut yourself in here in the first place? You're pathetic, TombRobber!'/

/ 'Baka Pharaoh!'/

They seemed to love keep insulting each other. But Yugi had had enough.

/ 'Will you two just shut up!'/ He yelled (mentally). / 'Don't you realise that I have to listen to your constant fighting too? I'm going to have some sort of nervous breakdown or something!'/

/ 'But, Yugi,'/ protested Yami / 'he is not being reasonable!'/

/ 'Ahh, does the baka Pharaoh have to go crying to his hikari?'/ Bakura mocked. He put on a babyish voice. / 'Yugi! Bakury said I was baka! Yugi! He's not being weasonable! Yugi! The nasty TombyRobber is making me cwry!'/

/ 'SHUT UP!!'/ Yugi screamed at them. / 'I cannot take this anymore! The sooner Shadi gets here to sort out this mess, the better. Thankfully, he'll be here tonight. Maybe then I can get some sleep!'/

Just then, the phone rang.

"Great, more voices in my head, just what I need." Muttered Yugi. He picked up the receiver.

"Hello, Game Shop."

"Yugi, hon'? It's Mai."

"Oh, hello Mai. Er, how are you?"

"Yeah I'm ok. Listen, we need your help with something. What are you doing tonight?"

"Huh? We?"

"Yeah, Téa, Serenity and me. Could you come out with us this evening? We need your heigh- er, your _help_, with something."

/ 'Ooh, Yugi needs to go _help out_ some girls this evening…!'/

/ 'Shut up Tomb Robber!'/

/ 'Well, someone's stressy. I was just _joking_, Pharaoh! Ra, you're acting like you wanna be his boyfrien-'/

/ 'SHUT UP, TOMBROBBER!'/

**In The Café…**

"…Come on, Yugi. Look, all you have to do is go in, maybe take a picture, then open a gate for me…please?…You will!…that's great…ok, you meet us in the alley down by Kaiba's place at 7:30…see you there, Yugi…bye!"

Mai put down her mobile and looked at the others sitting around the table.

"I've got my fourth person." She said, smiling.

They all burst out laughing.

**The Alleyway**

_**7:30pm…**_

"Okay guys, according to Mokuba's phone call, 'mystery girl' got here about 15 minutes ago. We're gonna catch her when she comes back out of the house, which is usually about 10:00pm. Does everyone know what they're doing until that time?" asked Mai.

They did. Mokuba was inside the house, having already planted the hidden cameras at various locations around the house, and he had also had the phones tapped earlier on that evening. He would feed the footage from the cameras via his PC to view screens located in the back of an unmarked van parked down the road.

Téa and Serenity would be inside this van, watching the screens, ready to let Mai know when Seto's visitor was about to leave and recording the footage for use in the TV reports that had been planned for when the findings of the investigation were made public.

There was also a small camera in the back of the van.

The plan was that when 'Mystery Girl' left the mansion, Mai, posing as a TV news reporter, would start to interview her and try and get any answers on film that would help the investigation. Serenity would leave the van at that point and do the filming. Téa would stay in the van in case Mokuba informed them if Kaiba became aware of their presence on his property.

Simple, all Mai had to do was get onto the property via a back gate. This gate could only be reached through the back garden, and in order to open this gate, Yugi would have to squeeze through the aforementioned hole-in-the-alley-wall.

The only problem was, Yugi wasn't too happy about it…

"Come on, Yugi, all you gotta do is sneak in and open a gate for me. It's not hard."

"I'm sorry Mai, but I don't wanna be involved in invading Kaiba's privacy like this, it seems really rude…"

"For goodness sake, Yugi, Kaiba's probably in the middle of signing up a huge drug order as we speak, if I miss out on getting the proof I am gonna be in so much trouble…!"

**Meanwhile, Inside the Puzzle…**

All was quiet inside the Puzzle, Yami was taking advantage of the fact that Bakura had seemingly shut up for once by indulging in an Egyptian form of quiet meditation. In other words, he was asleep.

Bakura, on the other hand, was wide awake, and getting quite sick of the girly bickering going on between Yugi and Mai outside. He had decided that it was time to shut them up. This was the opportunity Bakura had been waiting for, with that baka Pharaoh snoozing, and ickle Yugi distracted outside. Well, if he was stuck in this body for a while, he figured he might as well have some fun with it…

**Back Outside…**

Yugi looked down at his Millennium Puzzle, which had begun to glow in that weird yet familiar fashion that indicated that the spirit of the Pharaoh had something to say. Yugi's soul stepped back to let the other spirit through. Hopefully Yami would be able to convince Mai that they weren't interested in her little bought of spying.

_**And Here We Have A Random Little Scene Of Xaragi Madness,**_

_**In Which Bakura Takes Over Yugi's Body, And Yami Talks In His Sleep…**_

Yugi: "**YU-GI—**OH RA SOMETHING'S REALLY NOT RIGHT HERE!!!"

Bakura: "**MWOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!** NOW I HAVE CONTROL OF YUGI'S BODY, I CAN DO **WHATEVER I WANT**! HAHAHAHAHA!!! It's a good job I'm out of there, any longer inside that Puzzle and I might of gone insane……OOPS, TOO LATE, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Yami: _z…zz…zzz…zzzz……flowers…are pretty……z…zz…zzz…zzzz…………_

Yugi: Meep! Yami, please wake up! Scary-Evil-Insane-Bakura-Person has taken over my body!!

Bakura: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is kinda fun, why didn't I think of it before?

Yami: _z…zz…zzz…I like…big……butts………z…zz…zzz…zzzz…………_

Yugi: YAMI WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING!!!

Lia: WILL EVERYBODY **PLEASE** STOP SHOUTING AND GET ON WITH IT?!?!

Bakura: Well, if you insist, I think I'll go for a walk. Hey Mai, didn't you say that Yugi could help you with your Kaiba spying?

Yugi: NO! Give me back my body, you fiend!

Yami: _Z…ZZ…ZZZ…ZZZZ…………_

We Now Return To Our Regular Programming… 

"Hello, earth to Yugi? Snap out of it!"

"Oh , sorry Mai," Yugi replied in a somewhat different voice. "Didn't you say that Yug-er, I mean, that _'I'_ could help you with your Kaiba spying?"

Mai smiled, she'd known he'd come round eventually. "Great, thanks Yugi. Now, you see that hole in the wall? I need you to go through and open that gate for me hon'."

"No problem." 'Yugi' replied, before crouching down and crawling through the narrow gap.

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OK, I know it's a load of random crap, but review anyways? Please? If you want to know what happens then part two will be put up soonish, but I'll wait for reviewed response first. Bye!

-Lia Xaragi


	2. AUTHOR NOTE: Begging for Forgiveness

NOTE: THIS IS NOT ANOTHER CHAPTER. SORRY!!

Err, hi fans! Very very very very VERY sorry that I haven't updated for, like EVER! Well, the excuse is, well there is no excuse. I'm lazy, I know. But I have got loads of coursework and stuff to do so I'm gonna be another week at the very most. Sorry. But I will have part two of "Behind Closed Blinds" and Chapters 5 and 6 of "Wish Lists" will be up before the end of January at the latest. Promise. I'll get my friends Yugi and Mai and Luff to help remind me and stuff.

I have to go now, but I beg you: PLEASE, NO FLAMES!! I don't think I could take it…

Oh, and a little message for S.Chensu: "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!! Just hang on for another few days, ok? I'm writing the next chapters and if it stops you whining I'll put you in dedication thingy on next chapter, ok?"

Hang in there peeps, chapters are on the way!

Lots of love from the world's worst author,

Lia Xaragi


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